Emily Capelli, MS
Emily Capelli, MS
Body Positive Therapist

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@EmilyCapelliMS

When therapists talk about "family of origin," we are not blaming families for our defenses; we are explaining them. . When you take into account the environment in which we grew up, the things we do that seem "illogical," are anything but. We had to learn how to interact with the world somewhere, and our expectations of our family of origin often become the roles we were most comfortable with later. . For example, a family of origin may expect a family member to be high-achieving, rule-following, and independent, as is often the case of people with eating disorders' families. This expectation does not allow for making mistakes or being human. The person carries with them that to be accepted and loved by the world, they must follow the expectations that were laid out for them in their families. . Eating disorders make sense when you put them in context with the whole family. There is often a cycle of binge-purge-restrict in the family, which the person with the eating disorder takes on behaviorally. . Question for today: What roles did you embody in your family of origin that have followed you until today?
Finding a therapist is easy, but finding a GOOD therapist takes some skill. Link in my bio for my new blog post.
I recently explained to someone what kind of therapist I am, and they responded, "so, what, you talk to people about wearing swimsuits?" . Sorta. Kinda. Not really. . Body shame is about much more than not wanting to wear a bikini. Often people who have this struggle have early experiences of shame that have followed them throughout their lives. This shame could stem from abuse, society, cultural messages they received about themselves, family, peers, bullying, etc. . For some people, uncovering that shame is therapeutic enough. For others, recovery requires connecting to a sense of purpose. That type of recovery is more existential and a life-long process. . So, it's not about swimsuits, and yet it is. That's the way this pain manifests.
Ah, the "lose weight, and you'll be happy" trap. So simple. So tantalizing. But that's not what happens at all. . When people say "eating disorders are about control," this is what they mean. Life is messy, complicated, hot, and sweaty. If you get in the ring you're going get dirty. Eating disorders offer a very alluring alternative: "pay attention to your food, weight, and exercise. I'll distract you." . And yet, life doesn't get less messy. In fact, eating disorder life gets so complicated with rules and restriction that there is no space to live. . Dealing with what comes up, though difficult in the short-term, provides longer-lasting benefits. . Trust me.